On May 23, 2014 at 10:38pm my life as I knew it changed. In other words, “shit just got real!” My son took his first breath and in a blink of an eye I had a greater purpose in life. For 9 months I’ve carried him, trying to prepare myself for the day he would arrive. But word of advice mommy to be’s out there, nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever really prepare you.
The night I went into labor was just like any other night. I had no idea that in a couple hours I would meet the being I created. As the onset of contractions became stronger and I finally realized that this could be it, anxiety set in. I had taken no classes, watched no videos and have only heard horror stories about child birth. Now I know you’re probably thinking, “What the hell were you thinking? No Lamaze, no books, no video, you’re crazy!” But I had waited too long to take the classes and I figured I didn’t want to scare myself any more by watching a video. So I was going into child birth completely blind.
18 hours and an epidural later, I laid eyes on the best friend I’ll ever have. As I held him in my arms for the first time, speechless, my eyes filled with tears of another kind. The love I felt was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, undying, unrelenting, everlasting and my heart became heavy, filled with promises that only he and I will ever share. I was holding a piece of me. Feeling him breathe on my chest made me thank God as I know woman is made of mans rib, but in this instance, he was made of mine. How wonderful, how strong, how amazing, woman is to make life. What a beautiful blessing it is that I am the woman he chose.
As the first couple hours ticked away, I was in awe. Locked in a stare at the face that I just couldn’t believe looked just like me. Running my fingers through his hair, down his cheek and coming to his ear, my heart skipped a beat. It’s so surreal that this very ear that I am now stroking is the only ear that’s heard my heartbeat from the inside. This ear, my sons ear, slept, danced and was comforted by the sound of it. And so I say, Kenji Bryce that makes you the gatekeeper and the only person who holds the key to my heart.
I didn’t know a year ago that this was what was in store for me but I share with you today that having my son was the greatest gift I could’ve ever received. The cocktail of emotions is overwhelming but I feel accomplished, complete and most of all I feel like I have meaning again. This new journey won’t always be easy I understand but I can’t wait to get through it all with him by my side. With each up we will smile, with each down we will cry and best of all with each win we will celebrate. That alone is enough to make me want to push through it all.